As I walk to the dumpster with my trash my thoughts are heavy as I wonder what family will be there today waiting for it. The trash to me is the treasure for them. Everyday families sit and wait to receive what I am throwing away. There are days when I feel guilty that I wasted a tomato, a cucumber or even bread that was not good enough for me to eat. As I know everything in my bag will be rummaged through and savaged for someone else.
Some days I feel embarrassed by the things that may be in there and the thought of someone going through my life's waste is an interesting concept. Personal hygiene things, like what shampoo I use, what I drank, even how much toilet paper I use. Even though I don't think it matters to them it seems to matter to me.
I think about my life, the personal things, the things I hold on to because I don't want people to see. The trash! The hurts the pains, the rejection, the disappointments, the anger, the abuse. Normal for most everyone but we hold on to them in some way deep inside ourselves because we are embarrassed or uncomfortable to let people see our trash. We don't even want strangers at the dumpster to see what we have in our bags. So we hold onto it, until we are over taken by our own trash. Eventually, it gets to heavy to carry, our bags break! Then our trash is spilled all over for others to see!
Today I start working with 7 kids. Kids whose parents live at the trash, count on the trash to survive. The parents trash has spilled out onto their kids. These seven kids and so many others, want to learn, they are kids who don't deserve the conditions they live in, kids who who started in life with their bags empty and already they carry the burdens of their families and society, their bags are full! Full of rejection, abuse, disappointments, anger. The schools don't want them, the culture don't accept them and people say they are trash and they believe it! All the things their parents hide is manifested in them. The things they won't let go of, they give to them.
It is ironic in some ways...That my trash is their treasure and their trash is my treasure. Today, 5 boys, ages 11-15 and 2 girls, age 11 come through the doors at the center, the dirt on their faces sparkle like black onyx. Their yellow teeth looks like gold. The lice in their hair is like pearls from deep within the ocean. They come with hungry bellies, dirty bodies but their hearts are so open, so pure, so clean! They want to learn, they want to be accepted, they want to feel safe.
While they learn to write, every line they make on the paper they call my name, waiting for the thumbs up, or a good job, a pat on the shoulder, a hug or even just a smile of approval. Their face shines with pride as they begin to connect the next line.
One 15 year old boy, beams with delight after completing the flattest circle you ever saw. This one flat circle brings him great joy! I can't help to wonder that if this one circle can begin to change the direction of his life? How this one, two hour day makes him feel approved, loved and accepted. Can I be this happy with completing one circle? The answer is yes! Honest, I feel as much joy in my heart as he over one small circle! For the record, he completed one whole page of circles! He left after 2 hours thanking me and blowing kisses as the door closed behind him!
It makes the anticipation of hope for tomorrow that much greater! It is the same desire we all have clean or dirty is to be loved and accepted. Can we let go of the trash and make room for the treasure? It is waiting for us! Change begins with the first step or circle!
You don't get wormy apples off a healthy tree, nor good apples off a diseased tree. The health of an apple tells the health of a tree. You must begin with your own life-giving lives. It's who you are, not what you say and do, that counts. Your true being brims over into true words and deeds.
Luke 6: 43-45 (The Message)
